I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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