from now on my penis is your penis
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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