SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
