A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
They have beer where we have blood.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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