I wish I could teleport
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
You smell like stripper and shame
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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