you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize