I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
