dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
