I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
