I murdered the dance floor call the cops
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
