By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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