Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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