Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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