yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
