can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
