i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I deserve this hangover.
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