Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize