He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
