I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
