it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
