Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
