when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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