What a fucking waste of an outfit
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
