i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
