I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
If I die, sorry about rent.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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