I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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