If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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