My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
