i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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