Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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