I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
my sisters under your porch take her home
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
