I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
