Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
