am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize