So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
