A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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