I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
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