well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
