She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
