and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
