I seem to have left my pride at pride
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
