I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
