fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
