is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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