My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
