This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
