You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
im holly from the hills drunk
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
