oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
false alarm, still single
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