I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
