bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
