are you still at the devil's house?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
