The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize