If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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