Having a random hookup so left but love u
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
