people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
is it fun? or sober?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
