Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize