Heybabeimwearingurpanties
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
