that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
