whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
