i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
