They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
