He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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