Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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