My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
The best revenge is premature balding
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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