What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
