dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
