Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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