me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
