you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize