i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
