how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
