And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
