WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Randomize
