Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I am spending my child support on dildos
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
