i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
